I used to blog about music. A lot. I guess it made sense. I was in a band. My friends were in bands. We listened to music. It meant a lot to us. It meant a lot to me. I wish music felt like it did. I think one day it will.

I was going through my iTunes library tonight a visited a playlist I haven’t sat down with in a long time. Top 25 Most Played. I rebuilt my Mac just a month before I moved to Santa Barbara. With that I rebuilt my iTunes library. If every song can be a story, this is what the past 15 months of my life have looked like.

25. This is Your Life - Switchfoot: “…are you who you want to be?” I think that was the hardest question I had to ask myself when I was given the offer to move to Santa Barbara. This is something I face every morning. It’s a good check. I don’t think I really wrestled with the idea that God gave me the power to chose who I want to be until I left San Diego. There are a lot of things I want to be. Computer Scientist. Father. Husband. Brother. Friend. Son… We’ll see

24. Neighbors - The Academy Is…: “Should’ve shown up by now”. This song just gets me pumped. I think about my friends always tell me to go out and think to myself “should’ve shown up by now”

23. Until Morning - Dashboard Confessional: “If this is over then why is it so hard?”. The first month I moved to Santa Barbara, someone started calling. This song really helped me put all the hard stuff down.

22. Safe to Say - Valencia: “Is it safe to say in the morning you’ll come back and things will be the same since the day you left you know I had a hard time and I want you to know if you hear these words won’t you please come back home…” This song just stuck with me after that summer in ‘08. I consider it a little present. It helped

21. Head in Hands - Valencia: “This is the calm before the storm. It’s hitting harder than it has before. Sometimes you’ve got to walk in the rain if you’re dying to find what you’re looking for”. This is such a call out. I used to sing this at the top of my lungs in my car. Still do sometimes.

20. Fall Isn’t As Colorful As You - The Greater Heights: “I said you’re changing so give up the faking”. This is my friend’s band. I love all of the dudes in this band. This song just reminds me of being in San Diego and having fun

19. Derezzed - Daft Punk: No lyrics here. Just reminds me of a pact I made with my friend Erik before he left Santa Barbara for Silicon Valley. We promised each other we would see Tron:Legacy opening weekend. Success.

18. Billionaire - Travie McCoy: “Everywhere I go, I’ll have my own theme music”. This song has two memories attached to it. The first, Tyler Kobe coming to visit. He had just came from the filming of this music video in Newport Beach. The second is hanging out at the girls house on DP while Meredith played this song on the Ukalele. From this, you should deduce that my friends are celebrities and rock stars… At least to me they are.

17. Waiting for the End - Linkin Park: “…the hardest part of ending is starting again”. This couldn’t be more true. I would play this song at work and I had a few colleuges tell me I was the craziest thing to watch. When your heart has all this energy in it, it doesn’t go away, you get to choose where it goes. I know this time I put it in the right place.

16. Gone - Switchfoot: “Where’s your treasure, where’s your hope if you get the world and loose your soul”. When I hear that line, I can’t help but think about that summer where everything changed. I think about the beach and thank God that I was born and raised in Southern California. And the setting is only the begnning of that story…

15. Izzo / In the End - Jay-Z & Linkin Park: “He who does not feel me is not real to me / All I know, time is a valuable thing”. When I started work up in Santa Barbara, one of my colleuges listen to some of the most gangster music ever. I was so intimidated by this guy that I wouldnt want to walk out of the building with him. He is now one of my closest friends at work and I have coffee with him and his wife once a month or more. This remix just worked for both of us.

14. The Game Has Changed - Daft Punk: Again, no lyrics here. As a driving soundtrack, this song is intense. I drive frequently at night. This is always on

13. Dirt Off Your Shoulder / Lying From You - Jay-Z & Linkin Park: “Get that dirt off your shoulder”. The reason this song is so high this playlist will die with the MANsion Men from season 1. Randy though, had an organ piano in his room and one morning I fired it up and played this song to wake him up. Dont leave dirt on your shoulder.

12. Good Girls Go Bad - Cobra Starship: The title of this song says it all. I think we said this song was the unoffical theme song of season 1 of The MANsion. This song is so trashy it’s funny. I’m laughing listening to it right now.

11. Robot Rock / Oh Yeah - Daft Punk: This song kicks off Daft Punk’s Alive album. Anyone who works with me knows this is my most played album when I’m working. I do occasionally fist pump while doing science stuff. There you go.

10. Some Things Just Don’t Wash Out - You, Me, And Everyone We Know: “I’ve been dying to know what getting clean is all about”. This song is really upbeat but gets me thinking about something I’ve only in the last year been able to accept. Anything can be washed out with the right cleaner. It doesn’t matter how messed up you were, are or think you are. We have hope.

9. Something Beautiful - Needtobreathe: “I know that I’m in reach… I’m waiting for something beautiful”. In between some of my highest highs the past summer were some of my lowest lows. I spent some nights in this house alone. When I’d get down, I’d play this song. The two hardest things in life is really trusting that God loves everyone on an individual basis and trusting that God is willing to give you something truly beautiful. I know that I’m in reach. I’m waiting or something beautiful.

8. United State of Pop 2009 - DJ Earworm: I don’t think I could put one lyric to this. This whole mashup reminded me to celebrate when I was down about leaving San Diego and when I was feeling home sick in Santa Barbara. If there’s one thing I took away from this song, is that it’s stupid to feel down. Don’t worry.

7. Around the World / Harder Better Faster Stronger - Daft Punk: I listen to a lot of Daft Punk. I get it. This song in particular reminds me of the few months I lived with my colleuge and friend Nate. For some reason this song just feels like the soundtrack to our old house. Nate is probably one of the most giving people I’ve met. He would do anything to help anyone and the crazy thing is he doesnt think about it. He just does it.

6. Superhero - Jane’s Addiction: Otherwise known as the Entourage theme song, every time this song comes on, I think of Mike Thorne (aka MasstaaMike), driving around in nice cars and getting invited to the top notch parties. The best part of all that though, is that I have all those memories with one of my friends from elementary school. Never would have guessed that when we were six years old.

5. Golddigger - Kanye West: For some reason, Hiney plays this song in the car while Ian and Kenny are in the back seat and we’re going somewhere. Anywhere. This song will come on some how. I dont know how. But it does. And we sing along like we can relate. But we can’t. And so this is where irony comes in. Every good story has irony. There you go.

4. Where Did You Go? - Valencia: “I’ll be coming home and when I feel those butterflies I’ll see that I need to find a better way to believe you’re gone, so long. Someday I’ll find the strength to move on”. This is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. And you know what, I eventually found my strength.

3. Touch It / Techonologic - Daft Punk: Matt Shafer and I used to program to this song all the time. We would go hot tubbing and talk about life. Matt is one of the smartest people I know. I consider myself blessed to call him a friend

2. Until Morning (Acoustic) - Dashboard Confessional: “…just say you will stay with me one more night”. When you spend 3 years of your life in love with someone and have an undeniable realization that you and that person are not the same people who fell in love, you can only go one of two places. You can fall more in love. Or your chest can beat fast and your heart can scream ‘stay with me one more night’. Time doesn’t heal anything. Forests will burn so trees cash grow. Oceans will erode so continents can move. I found I can’t turn the tide or fight the flames. But I can be made new again. And that’s all I need.

1. Kings and Queens - 30 Seconds to Mars: “These lessons that we’ve learned here have only just begun”. To put it in a sentence, this is how I feel about Santa Barbara. This is how I feel towered the dangerous story that has brought me here. And there’s this feeling filling my entire body; that this is only the beginning. I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what is next. All I can tell you, is these lessons that we’ve learned here have only just begun…