I was talking to a friend of mine a few days ago about this past summer; about the risks and thrills that truly made our summer, the dangerous summer. He asked me why I did everything and why it meant so much to me…

It had to be dangerous. That’s what I told myself. I hadn’t taken a risk for myself… well… ever. I had taken risks for relationships, but never had I given myself the time, the effort and the gift of myself. I don’t think I really knew how great I was. Not to be conceited by any means but the truth is I was depressed a lot of my childhood because I thought if I was dangerous for someone else’s cause, that I’d feel full. That another persons pages could just be transposed into my own story. I think that was arguably the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. So I got a little dangerous… for me.

I remember, coming to the first weekend of the summer. That week leading up was the craziest week ever: friends dropping in from out of state, beach parties and making the drive to Santa Barbara from San Diego and back. twice. All in a week. The friday of that week marked my 19th birthday and I remember playing a show. There was a lot of great energy going about. Everything seemed off to a good start with this summer.

After getting off stage, I got on my Macbook and responded to messages about birthday wishes. Somewhere in the cluster of “happy birthdays!” I found out that my ex girlfriend, someone who I had poured my heart into for 3+ years, had gotten married to a guy she new for 6 months. I think an atomic bomb went off when I read that. The venue fell silent like ghosts by a river where the fall out could stop the lust of the water from obeying gravity. The river dried up and the water was in the sky.

I don’t think I realized it was that big, because I let the volume of the venue come back off mute and I felt my head come back to me. There I knew, I had to make it dangerous for me. I had to make my own story. There wasn’t going to be anyone else there telling me how the next scene was going to play out. That was my job now.

I couldn’t be mad anymore, at anyone. I have a life to live.

So that’s where my dangerous summer was born. The setting is SoCal and the characters are my friends. We go to the beach and have late night parties. Sometimes we do crazy things and other times we just take a load off. Everyday is a little victory. It all makes life worth living.

Let me tell you, life is still worth living.